you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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