I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
