Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My liver just broke up with me...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ttyl tear gas
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
