He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
