FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
