I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
