so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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