I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
