tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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