and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You may now shotgun with the bride
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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