I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
