I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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