i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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