Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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