God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
