Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
