i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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