just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
