Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
