I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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