I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
