I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
