One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
