I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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