watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
