i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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