there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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