also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
