I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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