This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I faked an abortion last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
