something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
