My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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