I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
