I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
