I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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