I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
