I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
