i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
