Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
