i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
