I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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