Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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