You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
