I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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