Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
