I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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