We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
