I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
