She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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