I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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