You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
