Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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