I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
