Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
