..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
