No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
