She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
