I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
