then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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