Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
