nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
