I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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