you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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