She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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