She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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