life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
